Wednesday, June 2, 2004

Me and the Kia

Miles City Montana

I just drove 15 hours almost non-stop. I say almost because I slept in a parking lot in Spokane for an hour. There is something ridiculous about sleeping in a Kia in a Budget Inn parking lot while my wife and son are sleeping soundly in there own beds 5 hours away. I’m on my way to do 4 shows in North Dakota. Why, you ask? Because I am huge in North Dakota! Ok not really. I listened to “The Davinci Code” on cd in the car. It’s like Indiana Jones with a lot more theology and a lot less bull whips. It was actually a little unnerving though be driving in the dark of night and hear about giant albino monks murdering people. Albino Monks sounds like the name of a shitty bar band that has a singer with a voice like the guy from Creed. I can see their name on one of those crappy plastic banners that hang in bars where I always seem to work.

THURSDAY Live Comedy with Gabrielle Ruteledge

FRIDAY Karaoke Contest hosted by DJ Mullet

SATURDAY Live Music with Albino Monk

People ask me what my goals in comedy are. I just want to be good enough for the weekend. I don’t even care if they spell my name right.

Ok here are some really horrible band names I just thought up.

Pre-Existing Condition

Emblimatic Problemity (rhymes with diplomatic immunity)

Partial Birth

73 Virgins

The Taliban

Linkin Park

You know what’s sad is in 15 hours of driving I didn’t write one joke. That’s pathetic. Oh wait I did write one here it is.

“I feel bad for baseball players because during sex they have to think about work.”

Supposedly Jerry Seinfeld writes every day. I hate him. Of course when Jerry Seinfeld goes on the road he doesn’t leave behind a two year old son, a clinically depressed wife, and $10,000 worth of credit card debt. People say I should turn pain into jokes. Pain makes good art. Ok here goes.

“My two year old son, my clinically depressed wife, and my Visa bill walk into a bar…”

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