Sunday, January 30, 2005

Saturday night I had what we in the comedy biz refer to as a "private gig." It was at the Washington Athletic Club in Seattle. It's a pretty high falutin club. I've been told by some it costs about $20,000 a year for a family membership. I've performed there twice before and it went well, this one was a turd. I was told by the club I supposed to do 15 minutes of comedy before they watched boxing. I assumed they meant pay per view boxing, I didn't realize until I got there, they meant actual live boxing. I guess that's what rich people do when they want to watch boxing; forget getting in the Lexus and driving to a casino, lets just set up a ring on the 8th floor. The first bad sign at the gig was I had to sit in a chair in the lobby while everyone else was in the dining room. I felt like I was at the kiddie table, except I had no food, and I'm 31. I already have my own issues with rich people anyway. As much as it pains me to admit it wealth intimidates me a little bit. There were about 200 people at the show about 180 of them men in tuxedo's smoking cigars, drinking liquor, and eating meat. There was a lot of wealthy testosterone floating around. Dan Devone was the first guy on stage. Dan Devone is the sports guy at Q13. I'm not sure why he was there, but he was telling stories about boxing that I think were supposed to be funny. He was being ignored. The conversation in the room, pretty much drowned him out. While he was talking one guy in the back stood up from his table and did the universal jerking off motion. Yeah rich and classy. Then after Dan ended his long ass story he introduced me with the following intro. "Um yeah so were going to have a comedian now I think..Gabriel are you here?" Most of the room didn't even notice. My first line was "Hey how about a round of applause for Dan Devone. Man he tells a 14 minute story then gives me a 3 second introduction." NOTHING! Just increasingly loud conversation. Ok my next move was to remove the microphone from the podium so I didn't have to do comedy like a preacher. To bad the microphone cord was 6 inches long. Then someone said "We can't hear you!" Then someone got me a new mic. That one didn't work, I went back to the podium mic. I said a few jokes I think. No one cared. At one point a super drunk 60 year old guy at the table right next to me says loudly "I can't eat dessert it makes me fart!" His woman who was about 28, laughed really loud and kissed him. "I said wow I thought that was your daughter, You must be more successful then I thought." He said "your goddamn right", and laughed the way people laugh when they haven't had anyone tell them to shut the fuck up in several decades. At this point three responses floated through my head 1.Why don't you shut the fuck up you rich piece of shit 2. This relationship was brought to you by Cialis 3. Wow Anna Nicole thanks for being here, that Trimspa is working by the way. I rejected all those and said "Well good for you sir." Yeah. Zing! I didn't even end on a joke. I just said "Have fun watching boxing" and left. Didn't even get my parking validated just left.It could be worse, I did make $500. Actually about $425 after my tuxedo rental. People look at you a little different when you wear a tuxedo by the way. Especially when your buying Miller lite and Phish Food frozen yogurt. The guy at Albertsons asked me "So whats the occasion." I was in a shit mood anyway so I said "Prom." He didn't laugh. Poor people don't think I'm funny either.

No comments: