Saturday, July 16, 2005

oregon trip

I took the family on a 3 day comedy road trip this week. Grants Pass, Klamath Falls, and Medford Oregon. Kind of like if Clark Griswold was a road comic. It was a mistake. I don't know why I thought traveling with a 3 year old was a good idea. About 2 hours out of town he said "Daddy I want to go home." I don't know why I thought traveling with a 31 year old wife was a good idea either. About two hours out of town she said "I want to go home too." Then for the rest of the trip about every hour she said "This is your fault." She was right. Annoying, but right. I've got to stop doing one nighters. The show in Klamath Falls was in a truck stop. There is a restaraunt, a general store, and a lounge. We performed in the lounge, right next to the front end of semi truck, that was made to look like it crashed through the wall. My buddy Geoff B opened the show. I feel bad because I got him the gig. At the beginning of the show there were about 12 people in the room, 4 of them facing the stage and 8 truckers with their back turned at the bar. To say Geoff was being ignored would be a colossal understatement. The room conversation actually got louder when the show started. It was so unbelievably bad it was sickly funny. I got a little luckier when my turn came, about 5 new people came in and about 4 of the louder people left. I also opened the show with one of the ballsier lines I've ever said on stage. "So, I'd like to start off tonight by saying I think all truckers are gay. Hey look who's paying attention now!" Under the circumstances I actually did pretty well. I had to do a phone in radio interview for that show too. Probably the worst radio I've ever done. Here is the entire transcript of the interview.DJ "Hey welcome back we've got comedian Gabriel Rutledge on the phone right now, Gabriel is going to be down at Mollie's on Thursday night. Where are you from Gabriel?"Me "I am from Olympia Washington."DJ "Hey I just talked the other comic Geoff, he's from Seattle are you guy's driving down together?"Me "No actually even though I'm sure I'll regret this I'm traveling with my wife and son on this trip. We're kind of having our own little Griswald family vaca...."DJ "Hey sound great. Well Gabriel's gonna be down at Mollies on Thursday night c'mon on down everybody should be a lot of fun. Thanks for talking to us Gabriel."Me "Um ok."By the way Klamath Falls has not only the ugliest people in the United States, but also the stupidest.I got a little lost and had this enlightening conversation when I called the truck stop.Women "Hello this is Mollies."Me "Yeah I'm one of the comedians tonight and I'm having a little trouble finding your place. I have an address on Highway 97, but is that the Business 97 that goes downtown, or did I get off to early?Women "Hey you were great on the radio today." (Ok I made that up.)What women actually said "Do you know where the movie theater is?"Me "No. I don't live here."Women "Ok do you know where the hospital is."Me (pause) No I don't know where anything is. I don't live here."Women "Ok hold on." (puts phone down)Me to my wife "Oh my god I think this woman is brain dead."Women (one minute later) "Yeah were on Highway 97."On our way out of town I went to the truck stop General Store and noticed that Geoff and I had our headshots hanging up on the wall. Someone had put thumbtacks through Geoff eyeballs and drawn a swastika on my forehead.It takes a shitty town to make Medford Oregon look good, but by god Klamath Falls you did it.

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