Monday, February 19, 2007

I haven't blogged in awhile because my laptop died. I've been at the mercy of public libraries when I'm out on the road. By the way the library in Grants Pass Oregon is only open one day a week for three hours. Apparently there were some budget cuts and "book learnin" was the first to go. Britney Spears shaved her head. She doesn't have a nice round head like Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta. By the way there is a porno called V for Vagina. Natalie Portman isn't in that one though. Britneys head looks a little bumpy. She also got a small tattoo of lips on her wrist. The hair will grow back, the wrist lips will be forever. (Say wrist lips three times fast.) I am oddly attracted to Britney Spears. There I said it. I wish I wasn't, it's embarrassing. She's not even that hot. If she wasn't famous she'd be the 4th best looking girl at Hooters. Plus she can't sing, can't dance, can't act, and is borderline retarded. And yet, somehow her fuckability rating scores high enough that all that doesn't matter. I disgust me. My wife is a beautiful, intelligent, and caring woman. Not to mention an amazing mother to our child. How is that the same brain that was smart enough to choose her, is dumb enough to be attracted to a fake breasted, shitty singer who has probably made the world a little dumber just by existing. Actually fake breasted kind of intrigues me. I've never been with anyone who has fake breasts. I've always assumed it tastes like your sucking on a kickball. Maybe I'm wrong. By the way if I ever do have the opportunity to be with Britney I am allowed because she is on my list. Yeah I'm allowed to sleep with 3 celeb's if the opportunity happens, and so is my wife. My list changes sometimes, but right now it's Britney Spears, Rachel Ray, and Nora Jones(at least she can sing.) I've tried to add to the list any comedy club waitress who kinda looks like Britney Spears, Rachel Ray, or Nora Jones. but so far no amendment to the celebrity fucking constitution has been added. My wife by the way, has Luke Perry of 90210 fame on her list. Apparently she shares my affinity for lusting after untalented people. If Britney and I ever do hook up we definitely will not be listening to one of her cd's while we get it on. In fact in my fantasy we listen to a cassette tape compilation Britney made called "Slow Jams '82." It's mostly Reo Speedwagon and Air Supply. Fuck yeah...."Cause, I can't fight this feeling anymore...I've forgotten what I started fighting for..."

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