Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Old Dan Tucker

I'm enjoying a night at the Red Roof Inn in Toledo Ohio. I'll be performing at Comedy Connxtions Comedy Club starting tomorrow. Toledo Ohio of course is known for ..uh.....hold on I'm gonna go Google Toledo................I'm back. Toledo Ohio of course is know as "The Glass Capitol of the World." Yeah I didn't know that either. I'm sipping on some "Old Dan Tucker" whiskey I bought at the store next door for only $6.50. You can buy liquor in the grocery store here in Ohio, which is nice. In Washington where I live you can only buy it at the liquor store. I like being able to buy it at a regular store, that way you can hide your drinking with other purchases. You know whiskey, a loaf of bread, duct tape, and a toilet plunger lets them know you're a man of many interests, not just alcohol. I've never had Old Dan Tucker whiskey before, and my official review is; it tastes like it only cost $6.50. The guy next to me on the plane had 5 gin and tonics on the flight today. No excuses or shameful looks when he ordered either, he just sucked 'em down. I respect that. What he drinks is between him and his liver. What impressed me is he never peed the whole flight. 5 gin and tonics on a 4 hour flight and no pee, he's like some sort of alcoholic gin camel. I don't think I've even made it through one gin drink without peeing. I don't drink gin anyway, I know Snoop Dog makes it sound good when he raps about it, but I think it tastes like shit. I'm too classy for that. I like to enjoy the sophisticated taste of Old Dan Tucker and RC Cola like a gentleman.

My wife said my last blog made her sad, because it seemed like I didn't like being a parent and I didn't like my life. Sigh. Well at least she read it. Look I was venting a little that's all. I know I have a good life. I love my kids and I love my wife, and I'm not just saying that because I know Kristi will probably read this. You know in the movies when they show a lonely forlorn guy, looking sadly through a window at a happy love filled family, and wishing it was him? I know I am in that family. I am one of the lucky ones. I also know if I see a lonely forlorn guy looking through my window I'm going to call the cops. That's creepy in real life. A lot of things they show in the movies shouldn't be tried in the real world. For instance if a girl breaks up with you and says she never wants to see you again, and you come back like John Cusack in "Say Anything" and stand under her window for hours holding a boombox; you are more likely to get a restraining order then get the girl back. Does anyone even have a "boombox" anymore. If they did that movie now John Cusack would be under the window like
"Hey can you come down here and put on these headphones?" "I have a song on my Ipod I really want you to hear!"
"Did you get my message on your cell?"
"How about my text? Did you get my text?"
"I emailed you a link to the song too, did you get that?"


Squeak said...

awww... she was really upset by that? I have 2 kids. And I'm their mother. And I understand exactly what you're talking about. I love them. I live for them. I'd die for them. I'd kill for them. But it is by far the single most bizarre love-hate relationship you can ever have. Your blog is great! I'll be back often!

gabriel rutledge said...

She understands the love-hate probably even more than me since she spends a lot more time with them. She just doesn't want me to jump off a bridge. Which I won't. Today anyway.

Anonymous said...

Did you notice above the word bourbon in small print the word diluted. Old Dan Tucker is only 42 proof. About half the strength of normal bourbon.

gabriel rutledge said...

Half strength explains the price and the lousy buzz.