Saturday, June 28, 2008

You'll shoot your eye out.

I killed a mouse. My stupid cat Don dragged a mouse into our house, and then let it go. Then caught it. Then let it go. Then caught it. And on and on for about 30 minutes while I yelled "Don take it outside!" over and over again. You know like the cat speaks English. All Don knew is I was yelling while he played with his new toy. For Johnny it was one of the highlights of his 6 years on earth. I think next year on his birthday I'll just let a badger run around the house. My wife was not nearly as amused as Johnny. For some reason the sight of a mouse turns her into a silent film star from the 1920's, so she jumped on top of a table and held her hands over her mouth. I of course was armed with the official rodent fighting weapon; a broom. I'm not sure what I was going to do with the broom. I guess clean up. It's always embarrassing when unexpected visitors come over and the house is dirty. A few years ago we had a mouse in the house and I decided maybe I could shoot it with my BB gun. I know I'm a moron. It didn't work. Even when I wore camouflage. That mouse problem was fixed when we figured out where it was getting in the house and we sealed it up. This mouse didn't even want to be in our house though, our retarded cat dragged it in. And then let it go. It eventually escaped and ended up spending the night in our laundry room. At least it was in the room we use the least. I put some mouse traps in there the next day, and much to my surprise it actually worked. To my wife I am the great mouse hunter now. The ferocious beast is dead. I'm thinking of calling a taxidermist. We can hang the mouse over the fireplace. Right next to my BB gun.

1 comment:

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Yes, all the cat hears is "Blah, blah, blah, Don. Blah Blah Blah."
OK, so Don is the cat. Who are the other 2 Dons? The hermit crabs?
Let me know the next time you're performing in Sacramento or L.A.