A few nights ago I was getting gas at an AM PM about 1:30 in the morning when this somewhat sketchy looking guy came up to me and said "Hey man. Are you interested in a family dog?"
Is there some sort of shady back alley pet adoption business I don't know about? Or maybe "Family Dog" is what they call heroin on the streets these days. Or it's what they call a blow job. It's like a regular blow job except they sniff your...nevermind. I said no to the gentleman's offer, but I was really tempted to ask him what kind of dog he considered a family dog. I think he meant he'd stolen it from a family. And where the hell was this dog? I didn't see any dog or even a car this guy came from. I had a lot of questions, but they're not the kind you ask in the middle of the night at a gas station.
I've been sick. Chest virus bullshit. I've been coughing and wheezing pretty bad for a few weeks. I seem to make a habit of getting sick during important times in my career. I won the Seattle Comedy Competition in 2004 with Laryngitis and bronchitis. And this time I was coughing and fever sweating when I made my debut on the Bob and Tom radio show. It's a pretty big deal for comics they have 4 or 5 million listeners all over the country plus they edit the radio show into a T.V. show that is shown on WGN in most of the country. It went all right I got some laughs, but I was really out of my head. I'm not sure if I should be pissed I had to be sick when I did it, or relieved that it went ok even though I was feeling awful. If I ever tape a Comedy Central Special I'll probably get gonorrhea. I took Vicodin for about a week after I did the show and that really helped make pretty much every problem I might have seem insignificant. I was working in Salt Lake City after I did Bob and Tom too, so it was nice having my own drugs, since they make it nearly impossible to get a decent alcohol buzz in Utah. Utah is adorable. I got ID'd when I went to an R rated movie there. I was already feeling ashamed for going to see the "Punisher" like a 16 year old comic book geek, asking for my ID just added insult to injury. Not even Vicodin could turn that into a good movie.