Sunday, May 23, 2010


I did a show at Central Washington University tonight. Home of the Wildcats. Mee-ow! I think most of the kids where probably 19-20 years old. And yes I call them kids, because I am 148 years old. College shows sound like they would be fun, but in my limited experience they really aren't. First of all if you can legally drink I don't know why you would hang around campus and go see a $3 comedy show. Basically I think any student who couldn't go to a bar, get a date, or was too weird to get invited to a party was at the show. Which is probably why there were only 60 of them. The show went fine. Didn't exactly light the room on fire, but it was fine. By the way, if you are actually going to light the room on fire, you have to close with it. It's hard to go back into your "why do I always get the shopping cart with the squeaky wheel" bit after the fire extinguishers come out.
College kids tend to be groaners. You would think it would be a crazy anything goes kind of crowd, but college students are uptight, politically correct, little douches. It's not like a have an edgy act, but I am a chubby middle aged man with a wife, two kids, a bunch of credit card debt, and about 15 more years of being kicked around by life. It's hard to not come across like a jaded prick when your talking to a roomful of bright eyed college freshman. They really got quiet when I said the word "vagina" which I found odd. Should I have said "pussy?" I'm not really comfortable saying that word on stage. Maybe vagina is too clinical. Maybe I'm just to old to talk about such things in front of the children. Maybe when a 36 year old man says the word "vagina" it comes across like a creepy gynecologist. I did find it a little odd since they are in the demographic that has no problem texting pics of their genitals to each other.
There was one woman there who looked to be around 40. Maybe she was a teacher. After the show she gave the other comedian and I the classic backhanded audience member compliment. "Well I thought you guys were funny." Yeah as in no one else did. Thanks lady. I went from feeling like it was a mediocre show, to maybe it was worse then I thought.
Here's some other things a comic hears if the show didn't go to well.

"Hey sorry man this crowd sucked."
"You had some funny stuff man."
"Tough room, huh?"
"How long have you been doing comedy?"
"Is this your only job?"

At a comedy club when the headliner, middle act, and MC are standing by the exit there is usually a descending order of compliments.
The headliner gets
"You were awesome!"

The middle act gets
"You were funny too."

The MC gets
"It's tough going first, huh?"

A good night as an MC you get
"Hey, usually the first guys sucks, you were pretty funny."

On a good night the middle gets
"You should have been the headliner!"

That's happened quite a few times when I was the middle act, and it's always very awkward when the headliner is within earshot. I was also the headliner within earshot a couple of times when someone said that to the middle act. That will get you thinking on the car ride home.

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