Friday, July 23, 2010


Butte Montana is an Irish Catholic town. There is a giant statue of the Virgin Mary on top of a mountain overlooking the whole town. Tough town for a Catholic to masturbate in. She's always watching. If the sun hits her just right it looks like she's shaking her head in disapproval. Good thing I'm not Catholic. If God didn't want me to masturbate he wouldn't have provided me a hotel with free wireless Internet.
Last nights show was in Idaho Falls. Idaho Falls is a legendary hell gig for Northwest comedians. The show is usually OK for about the first 15 minutes of the opener. Then people start filing in, not for the comedy show, but for the dancing afterwords. By the time I got off stage there were probably 250 people in the room, 20 of them trying to listen to me and the rest waiting for me to shut up so they can start their evening of dancing and eventual drunken sloppy sex. It's not like they wait quietly either. By the end I could barely hear myself shout over the bedlam. Sometimes comedy isn't about joke writing, or performance, or stage presence, it's about yelling into a microphone for 60 minutes so you can get $200 at the end of the show. Then using that $200 to order pizza and buy beer while you reflect on all the decisions that got you to this point. I was hoping for a nice bounce back show here in Butte, but no such luck. It's "Evil Days" here in Butte. One weekend a year Butte likes to take a break from their 363 day long "Boring Day's" celebration and have a festival in honor of their favorite son; Evil Knievel. A comedy show in the lounge of a Copper King Inn can't compete with rides, stunt bike demonstrations, and the opportunity for public drunkenness. There was literally no one but 2 comedians and a bartender at 9:00 when the show was supposed to start. The bartender said "Well looks like you're gonna sit here and get fucked up with me" and preceded to pour 3 shots. We repeated that process several times until 10:45 when 4 people came in and the bartender said we should go up and do all of our "dirtiest jokes." I was on stage for 15 minutes or so, but I can't really tell you what I said up there. I do remember no one laughed. Even the bartender who wanted the dirty jokes disappeared in a back room somewhere. It was just me, 4 people who didn't know there was a comedy show, and the sound of the Virgin Mary softly crying.


bonkrood said...

Son of a BITCH I missed your show because I did not know they were doing comedy night again. I saw you when Comedy Night was at the bowling alley and you called your wife from stage at the behest of the large crowd of Walmart employees in the front row. As a scholar of comedy, that show was a 10 out of 10.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to welcome you back to Butte. I joined your mailing list so hopefully that doesn't happen again.

Gabriel said...

I definitely remember that show! Well I remember the first hour or so, the last 20 minutes is a little hazy. Yeah my wife was annoyed.

Eric Trautmann said...

Dude. OW.

On the plus side, "It's a tough town for a Catholic to masturbate in" is a dynamite line, so chalk it up to / write off on your taxes as "research."