Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Golden Years

The fam had dinner at the Costco snack bar tonight. We didn't even buy anything at Costco we just went there to eat, because obviously we are classy people. There's a lot of wing nuts at the Costco snack bar. Usually elderly people who spend all day nibbling $1.50 hot dogs and bombarding whoever has the misfortune of sitting next to them with unwanted parenting advice and life philosophies. I wish I liked people more. My wife does, because she is a nice person. I only pretend to be a nice person as I nod and smile while they drone on about how "kids today spend to much time on the computer" or whatever crap makes them feel like they were somehow a better parent. My wife says the old man tonight was probably lonely. I guess. He should go to a bar and drink with the other lonely people. It's not like I hate all senior citizens. They like kids and I have kids, so I get that. And I agree with you old people, my kids are cute. But how come for every nice thing you say you have to say something weird? The oldster tonight had a nice talk with Johnny about where he went to school, and what grade he is in, then dropped in a "You know if you have too much of that ice cream you're eating it will make you fat!" First of all it was non-fat yogurt. 2nd this is Costco. I saw at least 3 behemoths on Little Rascal scooters while I was there, leave my average sized 8 year old son alone. He's got shitty genetics he won't be averaged sized forever, let him enjoy while he can. Old people say rude shit to children, but they do it with that borderline creepy twinkle in their eye so you're supposed to know they are joking. But kids hear everything like they are reading it. They don't really get sarcasm or a joking tone of voice. So when you're walking out of a restaurant while my family is walking in, and you say to my kid "Oh oh! You're too late, they're all out of food!" Guess what? He doesn't think it's hilarious, he just thinks there is no more food and he gets upset. And when you see my 2 year old daughter running around like a crack monkey at the mall and you say "You better stay with your parents or they're gonna leave you here!" She doesn't find that amusing, because she's fucking 2 and it scares her. I don't like young people either, but that's for a different time.


Marty said...


Your show last night at the 16th floor of the 5-Seasons was EXCELLENT! I laughed the entire time you threw the gags and I haven't laughed that much in YEARS! If there's anything I can tell you it's this: You've already arrived, Dude...So go make it ALL YOURS now.

Good luck and have a Merry Christmas in Washington with your family....and don't worry about cleaning up any messes, okay?

Anonymous said...

Thanks Marty, that's very nice of you.