Friday, August 26, 2011

A 1000 words

My weights been on a bit of an upswing lately. Sure, I could eat less and maybe log off Facebook and move around a little, but instead I've decided to do what fat men and some fat women have always done; grow a beard. Growing a beard is great because you can literally do nothing and still feel like you've accomplished something. Kind of like having sex on the bottom. If you are in fat stage(mine's been about 20 years) or maybe you just feel fat, it's important to avoid getting your picture taken. You can lie to yourself in the mirror, pictures are the cold hard chubby truth at an angle you were better off not knowing you could be seen from. If you do have to get your picture taken, I find it helps to have it done with a baby. Their cuteness cancels out any of your problem areas.

See? You barely notice me in that picture.

 Doing something weird in the photo is a nice distraction too.

Who has time to notice a double chin when I'm getting tonsil punched by a 3 month old?

Also if you make a goofy face you can give off the illusion that you're not even trying to look good. Try to strike a pose that says "Who cares if I've put on a few pounds, my baby and I are both totally hammered right now!"

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