Monday, August 22, 2011

Good Luck

Hey, how are things going for you? Good, now that I've feigned interest I'm going to bitch about my life as usual. I just had the kind of week where "Hey, maybe we could get our credit limit raised?" was discussed and seemed like a reasonable solution to our current financial woes. That's right, I wanted to raise my personal debt ceiling. I learned it from watching you America. I didn't get my credit limit raised of course, because that would be financially irresponsible. And also Visa said no.
I guess 37 isn't too old to borrow money from your parents to get your car fixed. What's that? You're saying it is too old and I just suck at life? Wow. Kinda harsh, voice inside my head, kinda harsh.
I've had some gigs cancelled recently and a bunch of people want money from me. Did you know vasectomies cost money? Kinda bullshit considering my not breeding anymore actually eases the burden on the Washington State tax payer. Did you know water costs money? Yeah I know it falls out of the sky, but somehow the city of Olympia thinks it's theirs and they want me to pay for it. And if I don't pay their going to "turn off" my water. You can't turn off nature City of Olympia. I'll just cut out the middle man and collect rain water in buckets and the whole family can shit in a hole I dig in the back yard.
Yeah, I should probably pay that.
I wonder if I don't pay for my vasectomy long enough if I'll get a letter saying if I don't pay by a certain date they'll come to my house and reverse it.
I went on vacation with the fam last week too, which wasn't great financial timing, but it was already planned. Vacations with children are not fun. No parent is ever sitting around the house thinking "You know what would be great, is if we could cram the whole family into a 400 square foot hotel room and we all had diarrhea, let's go on vacation!" That's why you take pictures so you can look back later and remember it differently than it happened. It's evidence to show my kids when they're adults. "See, I took you to the ocean! I did love you! Why don't you show that to your fucking therapist!"
I had a moment in the hotel pool where I realized what a bitter prick I am. I shouldn't be a bitter prick, because I have a good life. I just have to spend a lot of time trying to convince my brain of that.
We spent a lot of time in the pool on vacation. It was only about 50 ft away from the ocean, but my kids much preferred the chlorinated and heated hotel pool water to the dirty cold beach that nature had to offer. So while swimming around with the kids I spotted a young couple probably 19-20 years old. Just the epitome of young love, making out, legs wrapped around each other under the water. And my first thought upon seeing this couple was not; "Good for them", or "I remember when my wife and I were young and in love." No, the first thought that ran through my head when I saw this beautiful young couple was "Good luck assholes."
I should have my brain turned off.

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