Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Britney Spears Vagina!

I like to look at my blog stats 30-40 times a day just to keep an eye on things. By the way literally several people a day are reading standupdad.net so thank you, I couldn't have done it alone. Although sometimes I probably have.
One of the stats I can look at is what Internet search keywords people entered that brought them to my blog. Apparently a lot of people are googling "Old Dan Tucker Whiskey" because my blog titled Old Dan Tucker from 2008 is my most popular post ever. Number two is a post about how I was competing in The Great American Comedy Festival in Nebraska called I need corn jokes
I guess not everyone knows that the Internet has porn, because some people are actually taking valuable time out of their day that they could be masturbating, to search for "Corn Jokes."  If a "Corn Joke" search somehow brought you to this blog because I don't know, maybe you've got a big speech coming up in front of the Corn Growers Association and you want to open strong with a hilarious corn zinger; well here's the first gem I found when I googled it.

What do you call the best corn on the cob student at corn school?.....
The “A” corn

Boom! The corn growers will be in the palm of your hand. Assuming they're 6. Hope that helps. Also if your mind works like mine, and you were thinking about searching for "Corn Porn" let me save you some time and show you the first thing that comes up.

Do what you want with that.

Google can be an asshole too. In this post I said sometimes people say I look like Dave Grohl, and I ended up getting some traffic from "Fat Dave Grohl" searches. Look Google, I never said fat. You dicks.
My favorite is someone searched "Old man balls" and ended up on my blog. They must have been disappointed. Not as disappointed as their parents are in them, but still pretty disappointed. I'm not sure what they were hoping to find with that creepy search, but it probably wasn't the heartwarming story of my vasectomy as it compares to Greek food. People who were looking for something else and ended up here seems to be one of my blogs biggest demographics. Which is why I titled this post "Britney Spears Vagina." I need some new "fans."  I thought about naming it "Britney Spears Vagina drinks Old Dan Tucker whiskey while telling corn jokes to an old man's balls" but I didn't want the Internet to explode.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Google has been known to permanently remove sites from their search results if they abuse keywords and meta tags like this. Just fair warning.

Anonymous said...

The above commenter was obviously not satisfied with the results of his "Britney Spears Vagina" search.

AR said...

LOL.

I studied Search Engine Optimization at my old job. You have to do more than abuse a tag or two to get banned. Everyone abuses tags. You'd have to ban half of youtube.

Plus it's sort of in their best interest for you to be on the internet as long as possible and viewing random sites so they can charge someone for an ad.