Sunday, September 25, 2011

My son is kicking my YouTube ass

I went to Johnny's 3rd grade curriculum night this week and this note was waiting for us on his desk. Not his handwriting by the way, I guess his teacher transposed.

Johnny son of Gabe and Kristy
Actually it's Kristi, but whatever. Sometimes I spell curriculum with a Y so who am I to judge.
Who enjoys SpongeBob Square Pants.
That's a bit of a understatement. He enjoys Spongebob the way a crackhead "enjoys" crack.
Who likes to eat burgers.
 Krabby Patties.
Who works hard at math.
Who is afraid of female mosquitoes.
That's not quite as sexist as it seems. Johnny learned along with me that female mosquitoes are the only one's that suck blood from people and animals, the males don't. I could make a joke about how that may or may not compare to human women, but I'm not going too.
Who likes to wear Spongebob shirts.
He has one SpongeBob shirt and a pair of SpongeBob pajamas that he tries to wear everyday in public.
Who feels happy when scrubbing things with sponges.
He only likes pretend cleaning. Any any actual cleaning he prefers to leave to the female mosquitoes.
Who would like to go to Nickelodeon Land.
That's not going to happen unless he starts calling the backyard Nickelodeon Land.
Who needs nothing.
That should make Christmas easy.

Johnny's recent SpongeBob obsession has bumped his previous favorite show Ben 10 to the number 2 spot. Also thanks to SpongeBob Johnny now wants to be a fry cook when he grows up. Well that's certainly an achievable goal. I guess he can stop working hard at math. I happen to know that you don't need to know algebra to get a food handlers permit. Johnny's Ben 10 love has been pretty well documented. He has more than 100 YouTube videos he's made about Ben 10. One of which currently has more than 78,000 views.  It must be the catchy title "Ben 10 Ultimate Protector of the Universe Ep. 3 Ghostfreaks." Who wouldn't want to click on that.
It's just him having fun on my laptop webcam, playing with some toys while he makes laser sounds and effects. He also has a video with over 58,000 and one with over 32,000. His father, who happens to be a touring professional comedian and has been showcased on national television, his most popular video has less than 9,000 views. My son is indeed, kicking my YouTube ass. With this.

Why anyone would watch this I have no idea. He's my kid and I've never even been able to get through all 11 minutes. I didn't put that in the comments though. Like any Internet sensation he has a lot of haters.
I spend a lot of time deleting comments like this one from Magas887
 "WTF was that ? I DISLIKE THIS SHIT !!!'
Thanks for your input Magas.
Youngpacman8 had this to say
Here's a fun one from shoopDAwoop86
"oh my god u little 7 year old fucking cunt get off of YouTube"
First of all shoop. May I call you shoop? He's a 9 year old cunt not a 7 year old one. The incorrect age would make Johnny madder then being called a cunt. He doesn't know what that word means yet. Well he knows what one is, he just doesn't know they're called cunts. In my house we've started yelling shoopDAwoop86! every time we see an awful person. Better weird than inappropriate, that's the Rutledge family motto. Well that and "Are you going to finish that?" I'm going to assume that from shoopDAwoop's salty language he is at least a teenager, or perhaps even an adult. He did spell everything right.  If he was born in 86 that would make him 25. Or maybe there were just 85 other shoopDAwoops who beat him to the name. But whether he is a teen or adult, apparently at some point shoopDawoop86 was searching for videos on YouTube about Ben 10, which just in case you forgot is a show for children on the Cartoon Network, and he was so upset about the quality of what he found, he felt inclined to leave that comment on a kids YouTube video. Wow. You really took that "7" year old down a notch. Classy move Shoop. Even if shitpoop86 is a kid I am 107% positive he will eventually be an awful adult. Also he has 12 video's on YouTube with about 150 views total, which I think is what my close friend Youngpacman8 would call...Lame.  I guess with success comes backlash. Johnny is a child star now and it's my job as his manager/dad to shield him from these things. I talked to Michael Lohan and he pointed me in the right direction. I'm also carrying on another proud manager/dad tradition, because I just enabled Google ads in his account and I'm keeping all the money. If we make enough money Kristi and I are going to Nickelodeon land by ourselves.

No comments: