Friday, October 21, 2011

More Corn Jokes!

I drove from Dubuque Iowa to Brookings South Dakota today. There are very few reasons to do that. Comedy is one of them. Distributing methamphetamines is the other. Comedians travel, but not in a fun way. Not in a Clark Griswald "or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?" kind of way. It's more of a "No time to stop because I have to get to my show at the Ground Round Grill and Bar next to the Days Inn in Brookings South Dakota" kind of way. Yeah any road hack can work a "Bar and Grill", it takes a special talent to work a "Grill and Bar." I wonder if they just painted the sign wrong and kept it.
I passed exits today for a dinosaur bone museum, water parks, Mt. Rushmore, a cowboy town, a Corn Palace, and a "Rare Rhino's of Africa" exhibit. Rhino's in Africa might be rare, but their still less rare than "Rare Rhino's of Africa in South Dakota." I didn't see that coming. I don't know how many African Rhino's are at the exhibit, but if it's more than 5 then that's more than there are African Americans in South Dakota. Maybe somewhere in Africa there is a "Rare African Americans of South Dakota" exhibit. Or maybe just a "People of South Dakota" exhibit that has a couple of double wides set up and some dude's in camouflage pants, orange hunter hats, and Dale Earnhardt tank tops wandering around chewing Skoal in their re-created natural habitat. That's probably not an entirely fair stereotype of South Dakotans, but I've been here enough times to tell you it's not entirely unfair either. There's probably not a Corn Palace in Africa. I think America's the only place that would consider making a palace out of food.


      Actually I guess it's not entirely made of corn. I googled it and found this Yelp review;

I drove all the way from Chicago, with my wife and dog to see the marvel of modern architecture that is the "Corn Palace" and was disappointed to find a regular building with corn glued onto it.. hell, even my dog was disappointed. You angered my dog! How does that make you feel?? You so called palace of corn.

Way to take the "so called palace" down a notch, Andy from Boston, they had it coming. And just in case you think Andy from Boston hates everything he also put this;

However, the dairy queen next door.. best dilly bar in South Dakota, hands down.

No mention of how his dog enjoyed the Dairy Queen. Also not to be a dick, but isn't a Dilly Bar really just regular ice cream with chocolate glued to it? Let's try and be consistent Andy.
A little farther down the Yelp reviews I learned this from Henry from San Francisco;

Every year, thousands of ears of corn sacrifice their lives to decorate the exterior of a boxy multipurpose community center. A photo is taken, framed, and hung inside next to the previous hundred-plus years' worth of Corn Palace pics (including the one with the unfortunate swastikas).

Wait, they have pictures hanging up of a swastika Corn Palace? So at one point in time, there was a swastika Corn Palace? Holy shit. I guess that explains why there are no Jewish Rhino's in South Dakota.
I wonder if the Dairy Queen sells KKK Klondike bars.
I know Dairy Queen doesn't sell Klondike bars, but I think your allowed to bend the truth when attempting an alliteration joke about racism. I've always said that.
There is a corn maze in Littlerock Tumwater Washington run by Rutledge Farms. Right now they have a "Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn" corn maze.
              Smart. If there's two things kids love it's vampire movies and corn. That's another thing I've always said. Maybe Rutledge Farms didn't even make it, maybe some extra terrestrial tweens came down and made crop circles. Kind of the 13 year old alien girl version of scribbling "I love Edward" on their notebook. I am not related to the Rutledge's of Rutledge farms. Also I'm on "Team Jacob" in case you were curious. I wish I was a Rutledge Farmer. I'd love a piece of that sweet, sweet corn maze money. Plus they're famous. I get asked constantly around Olympia if I am related to them. That's my comedy career goal. Someday I hope that people will ask Rutledge Farms if there related to the comedian Gabriel Rutledge. When you're bigger than corn, that's when you know you've made it.


mike wally walter said...

Gabe, I have been to the corn palace, I have also been to Brookings, SD.that is where the palm reader told me I would be married 5 times. I hope you don't get your palm read and told you'll have 5 children...3 is enough. If you go into Rapid City and go to the Alex Johnson Hotel you'll find swastika's aplenty there. They are not from the nazi's ..they were an indian sign..the nazi's stole the swastika from the Indians.just FYI

mike wally walter said...

Also..the Rutledge Corn maze is in Olympia...Not Littlerock!

AR said...

Dont people constantly complain about a food shortage? I've got a solution.

Also, how come the indians don't make a big deal about the germans stealing from them? Seems like America gets all the flak. Build Indian casinos in Germany!

gabriel rutledge said...

Thanks Mike the Indian swastika thing makes sense.
I guess I knew the corn maze was in Tumwater, but I always get asked if I know "the Littlerock Rutledge" that's why.

Ross Rutledge said...

Hey Gabe....The maze is in Tumwater and is operated by a Littlerock Rutledge....just saying...I have been asked if I am related to you...It does happen!!

gabriel rutledge said...

Good to know Ross!