Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Angry Viewer

The reason comedians are so sensitive to criticism is because we agree with you. You're right, we do suck. That's one of the reasons we do comedy, so we can tell you how we suck before you get a chance to. One of the benefits of the fame free journeyman type comedy career I've carved out for myself (I'm going to pretend it was my choice) is most of the feedback I receive is positive. That's not just because I'm extremely talented and humble, but also because people usually don't go out of their way to say "Fuck this guy" when they've never heard of you. Even if I have a bad show, at least the rejection is only in the room while it's happening. Of course I'll carry the bad show shame around with me for awhile (I have a bad show shame backpack), but at least I won't hear about it later on Twitter, or have terrible things written about me online. You can not be a famous comedian and still piss people off of course, but my act is pretty safe. It's just jokes and stories. You can laugh or not laugh, but I'm not challenging anyone's belief system. As a comedian I'm hard to disagree with. I think in my whole comedy life I've had two complaint emails after people have seen my show. One was someone upset I used the Lord's name in vain and the other was disappointed I had misused God's word by making a joke about a bible verse. The verse was "It is better for a man to cast his seed in the belly of a whore than spill it on the ground" and it's actually not even in the bible.  I only know that because I Googled it after I wrote the joke. I happily passed that information on to the lady who emailed me, but she didn't respond. The Lord and Google work in mysterious ways.  Even my negative YouTube comments are more amusing than hurtful.

 

Even after my TV appearances I haven't really had any negative feedback. I haven't had much positive feedback either. Maybe it's because a lot of my TV appearances are on after that juicer infomercial at 3am.  I guess I was due, because I recently taped a TV show called The 206 that airs in Seattle and I really managed to upset at least one viewer. Here's the controversial 3 minute set that started the trouble.

And here's the several comments the viewer left on the The 206 Facebook page. Sorry they are so long. Anger makes people wordy.

 
 
Wow. Anger also apparently affects spelling. Misspellings and vague threats aside, I must admit this clearly unstable son of a bitch got to me a little bit. Say I'm not funny, say I'm fat, say my hair is an obvious midlife crisis, say I'm going to hell, say I dress like Marc Maron shops at Walmart, I can handle all that. But, he kicked me right in my Achilles penis and called me a bad father. Goddammit (sorry to use the Lord's name in vain, please send your emails to gabriel @ gabrielrutledge.com) I didn't see that coming. I already have more than enough comedy dad guilt from having to travel so much. I know I'm a good comedian and I know I'm a good father, just never at the same time. And while I don't think any of my jokes are "mocking" my kids or will "humiliate" them, I also know my kids aren't going to love everything I've said and written about them when they're older. In defense of this particular bit, my son knows he was terrible at soccer. He knows I do a joke about how he tried to shoot the ball with his imaginary laser, and he thinks it's funny. Has he ever seen the bit? No, I don't think he has. Is it because I told him he's not allowed to watch it? No, it's because he just turned 13 and he doesn't give a shit about what dad does for a living. He's more interested in watching videos of people playing video games. I'm just a comedian, it's not a cool job like working for Nintendo. When I was his age I probably wouldn't have watched a video of my dad maintaining the HVAC systems at the hospital he worked at either. Does my daughter know I tell a joke about how she wanted to dance naked at ballet and that I'm worried she has stripper tendencies? No, because she's 7 and she thinks I do knock knock jokes. That's actually the part of angry viewers rant I found to be the most puzzling "and it got worse when he talked about his other children." It's a joke dude. Based on truth yes, but it's a joke. You know like a comedian would do. I didn't really name my daughter Sapphire. I'm not really worried she's going to be a stripper. In fact if as an adult she manages to overcome the obstacles of her family genetics and wants to be a dancer of any kind, good for her, I'm fine with that.  I'm going to wildly speculate and say that I think the angry viewer probably had a rough childhood and now as an adult wishes he could protect all children from harm. So maybe he's at least trying to come from a good place. I am also going to speculate that he's a humorless asshole. I guess he would have preferred I did some hilarious material about how much I love and value my children. That's why my next album is going in a more positive direction.
It's called  "My Wife Is The Best And I Love My Kids So Much!!" 
 
Track 1. Take My Wife Please...No, Seriously Take Her Somewhere Nice She Deserves It! 
Track 2. I Can't Believe All My Kids Made The All Star Team Again!
Track 3. Hug Pile on Daddy!
Track 4. I Remembered To Buy Cat Food!
Track 5. Never Go To Bed Angry!
Track 6. Two Beers Is Plenty!
Track 7. Are We Out Of Coffee Creamer? No! There It Is In The Back!
Track 8. Everything Is Working Out!
Track 9. So You All Just Cleaned Your Rooms For Fun!?
Track 10. Can You Bring My Wife Back Now?
Track 11. #Blessed
 
I don't have any jokes about how much I love my children,  but I tell them and show them that I do everyday, and I think that's going to mean more to them than what I say on stage when all is said and done. Hopefully. If it doesn't I'll probably write a joke about it.

4 comments:

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Al Petit said...

I tell jokes and write about my kids all of the time. Its not like they will hear me tell it. Family life is crazy and if you get some good joke fodder, all the power to you!
Al ~ justlaffitoff.com

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