Wow. Anger also apparently affects spelling. Misspellings and vague threats aside, I must admit this clearly unstable son of a bitch got to me a little bit. Say I'm not funny, say I'm fat, say my hair is an obvious midlife crisis, say I'm going to hell, say I dress like Marc Maron shops at Walmart, I can handle all that. But, he kicked me right in my Achilles penis and called me a bad father. Goddammit (sorry to use the Lord's name in vain, please send your emails to gabriel @ gabrielrutledge.com) I didn't see that coming. I already have more than enough comedy dad guilt from having to travel so much. I know I'm a good comedian and I know I'm a good father, just never at the same time. And while I don't think any of my jokes are "mocking" my kids or will "humiliate" them, I also know my kids aren't going to love everything I've said and written about them when they're older. In defense of this particular bit, my son knows he was terrible at soccer. He knows I do a joke about how he tried to shoot the ball with his imaginary laser, and he thinks it's funny. Has he ever seen the bit? No, I don't think he has. Is it because I told him he's not allowed to watch it? No, it's because he just turned 13 and he doesn't give a shit about what dad does for a living. He's more interested in watching videos of people playing video games. I'm just a comedian, it's not a cool job like working for Nintendo. When I was his age I probably wouldn't have watched a video of my dad maintaining the HVAC systems at the hospital he worked at either. Does my daughter know I tell a joke about how she wanted to dance naked at ballet and that I'm worried she has stripper tendencies? No, because she's 7 and she thinks I do knock knock jokes. That's actually the part of angry viewers rant I found to be the most puzzling "and it got worse when he talked about his other children." It's a joke dude. Based on truth yes, but it's a joke. You know like a comedian would do. I didn't really name my daughter Sapphire. I'm not really worried she's going to be a stripper. In fact if as an adult she manages to overcome the obstacles of her family genetics and wants to be a dancer of any kind, good for her, I'm fine with that. I'm going to wildly speculate and say that I think the angry viewer probably had a rough childhood and now as an adult wishes he could protect all children from harm. So maybe he's at least trying to come from a good place. I am also going to speculate that he's a humorless asshole. I guess he would have preferred I did some hilarious material about how much I love and value my children. That's why my next album is going in a more positive direction.
It's called "My Wife Is The Best And I Love My Kids So Much!!"
Track 1. Take My Wife Please...No, Seriously Take Her Somewhere Nice She Deserves It!
Track 2. I Can't Believe All My Kids Made The All Star Team Again!
Track 3. Hug Pile on Daddy!
Track 4. I Remembered To Buy Cat Food!
Track 5. Never Go To Bed Angry!
Track 6. Two Beers Is Plenty!
Track 7. Are We Out Of Coffee Creamer? No! There It Is In The Back!
Track 8. Everything Is Working Out!
Track 9. So You All Just Cleaned Your Rooms For Fun!?
Track 10. Can You Bring My Wife Back Now?
Track 11. #Blessed
I don't have any jokes about how much I love my children, but I tell them and show them that I do everyday, and I think that's going to mean more to them than what I say on stage when all is said and done. Hopefully. If it doesn't I'll probably write a joke about it.