Friday, June 10, 2016

Cool Ranch

Sleep must make me optimistic because I'm always a little overly excited for my first email check of the day. 
"I bet the president of show business emailed me in the middle of the night!"
 Nope, just my friends at Amazon with an early morning fuck you.

Jesus Amazon. Truthfully, I've never not been at least a little interested in Cool Ranch Doritos, but what recent activity let you know? I think the last thing I bought from you was a shirt. Was it because it was a 2XL so you made some assumptions about my diet? Or maybe it's because I ordered a XL first then sent it back and got a 2XL?  Why not just say
"Based on your recent inactivity, we thought you might be interested in this."
Algorithm's can be cruel. So can genetics. Also $12.30 for an 11oz bag of chips? I blame the legalization of marijuana in my state. Even if you think I'm the kind of customer who wants to get into the chip shipping game Amazon, why not let me know I can get 64 1.75oz bags of Cool Ranch Doritos for $51.76? At 80 cents a bag with free shipping I can't afford to not be interested.

Plus, the reviews are really good.

Most of them anyway.

I think if Charlene was being honest she would admit she felt completely crushed the day she ordered them too.
The day after I posted this blog Cinnabon followed me on Twitter. Not sure why the cyber universe is giving me this message, but it doesn't feel good. Maybe it's time to go offline and find a safe space. Like a treadmill.

Oh, and don't bother sending me an email about it Amazon, I already checked.

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